Well, He's Strange
by annarosenet
Summary: Alistair and Helena Cousland decide to gossip about all their traveling companions but with a different twist. F!CouslandxAlistair. R&R!


My second attempt with a dragon age fan fic. I wanted a humorous romance story with a Grey Warden Cousland, with Alistair (he's one of my favs! Though really I love all the dragon age characters. : D ) I decided to rewrite the part where Alistair asks the Grey Warden how she feels about the other Companions. I don't own Dragon Age. Enjoy!

Well, he's Strange…

Helena Cousland sat by the warm fire, braiding her long blonde locks into a long braid before retiring for the night. After she finished braiding her hair, she sees Alistair getting ready for his night lookout. Helena always liked Alistair, since the moment she first met him arguing with a Circle mage. She loves his wit. Helena still felt wide awake, most likely because she still felt pumped after a nice long battle with the darkspawn.

Helena stands up and decided to join her good friend, Alistair. Alistair looks at her surprised that she is still awake, but happy. He has a crush on her, but he doesn't admit it. The two started talking till Alistair decided to ask Helena about what she thinks about her companions.

"I've got this nefarious plan to go around to each of them, and secretly tell them all the nasty things you said. That way they'll mutiny, and I shall become the group leader!" Alistair laughs evilly.

"If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask," Helena replied matter of fact.

"What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants." Helena laughed and Alistair beamed.

"Ok, Alistair, who do you want to gossip about?" she smiled coyly.

"Morrigan," Alistair stated.

"She's funny!"

"That's what you think, wait, are you saying you _like _that blasted woman?" Alistair asked awestruck. He just couldn't imagine anybody liking _Morrigan_ . How could _anybody like Morrigan!?_

"She may not seem like it, but she is really fun! She is also nice, when she wants to be," Helena smiles.

"Well, I am _shocked_, I could never imagine anybody liking that bitch Morrigan!"

"She's not a bitch, she's a witch."

"Oh ha, ha, I completely forgot!" Alistair did a mock laughed. "How about Sten, he's so, serious."

"Yeah, he is," Helena agreed.

"But he also looks so sad."

"He's…been though a lot," Helena trailed off, thinking back on the conversations he had with the Qunari Warrior.

"Looks like you actually broke through to him" Alistair was shocked, he thought nobody was going to get Sten to talk. "How did you do it!?"

"Patience," Helena stated, gazing her light blue eyes at Alistair's brown eyes. "Lots of patience."

"Hmm, amazing, how about Leliana? Bit of a crazy kook isn't she?"

Helena laughed, "Yes, but, she is also very sad…" Again Helena trailed off thinking back on her conversations with the red headed Bard. She is very strange, but she is sweet and funny.

"I agree with that," Alistair replied. "How about Oghren? He seems to be drunk all the time!"

Helena laughs and nods her head "At least if we ever go to a bar, we'll always have a drinking buddy." Alistair laughs.

"I agree!" Alistair laughs.

"Yeah…" Helena remembers this one incident when she caught Oghren at the Spoiled Princess. It was a bet he made with Zevran. Zevran made a bet that Oghren could piss everywhere in the bar and not piss off the bartender. So Oghren drank two pints of beer then walks up to the barkeep. He makes a bet with the barkeep about being able to piss in a beer glass that was five feet away. The barkeep laughs and says, 'you're on'. So Oghren takes his pants off and pisses everywhere. Helena put her shield up and Zevran hid behind it too, till Oghren was done with his business. The barkeep laughs, and says, 'well you made me a rich man!' Oghren beamed and said, 'yes and thank you, I too am rich!' then Oghren walked over to Zevran, 'well, my fine dwarf friend, I'm shocked! Here you go!' Oghren gave one/forth of his gold to the barkeep, who stood there with his mouth wide open. Helena tells Alistair the story. Alistair threw his head back and laughed.

"So that's where you three ended up," Alistair breathed out since he is out of breath from laughing so hard. "How about Wynne? Very motherly isn't she?" Alistair asked after he caught his breath.

"Extremely, she made me three pairs of stockings, not that I'm complaining," Helena smiled.

"I got four pairs."

"You win."

"Looks like it," Alistair beamed. "How about Zevran? Can't really trust him,"

"I trust him."

"Really?"

"Really."

Alistair stared hard at Helena, how she could trust him after he just _tried _to kill her? Helena sighed, "I know it sounds silly to you, but I do" Alistair nods and says, "ok."

Then Alistair changes the subject "How about Shale? Did you know I saw him squash a chicken! And here I thought yummy! I can finally have some nice chicken! He really ruined it for me!" Helena laughs, and Alistair looks at her. "What's so funny?"

"Shale is a girl!"

"What!?"

"Yeah, ask her yourself if you don't believe me!"

"Nooooo wwwaaaaayyy! I'll take your word for it," then Alistair let out a heavy sigh. "This has been very eye opening for me, but we forgot one more member," Alistair smiled coyly.

"Oh yeah? Yes I love the Barkspawn," Alistair chuckled a little. He wasn't going to ask about the dog.

"No," Helena looked puzzled. "I wanted to ask about that guy, Alistair." Alistair said trying to sound as if Alistair is a completely different guy. Helena understood where this is going so she played along.

"Gee, where do I begin" Helena smiled and looked up pretending to think very deeply about this. She put her hands on her hips and said, "He's very strange."

"Hey!"

"He also has very strange quirks."

"Like what?"

"Like bringing me terrible news and saying witty one liners." Alistair had to smile at that reply. He remembered telling Helena that shortly after he told her about the Arch demon a long time ago.

"He also has a dislike for Morrigan."

"That's an understatement," Alistair muttered.

"An _intense _dislike for Morrigan," Helena corrected herself.

"Better."

"He is also very brave, and kind," Helena voice lowered a little, and she closed the distance between herself and Alistair. Alistair started to blush a deep red. "He is also noble, funny, and sweet," Next thing Alistair knew was Helena putting her plush lips onto his lips; he kissed back. The two made out for a little bit till they had to break away to catch their breaths. Helena kisses along Alistair's jaw line up to his left ear and whispers "Care to join me in my tent?" Alistair quickly led Helena into her tent where the two of them made love all night long.


End file.
